Last night, I fucked up a bit. After a while of being clean, I messed up and I relapsed. Today, I threw away my razor. I am going to be better. I have been in recovery for the past year or so, after dealing with this for about 7/8 years. My scars on my skin are obvious. They are a physical representation of what I’ve been through. I don’t try to hide them anymore, because I think it’s important to show that sometimes, not everything is okay. I get messages quite often on here, with people telling me that I’m strong. I want to say, I’m not always strong. And that’s okay. You don’t have to manage. You don’t have to accept everything life throws at you. Even the strongest of people have their weaknesses. What is important is to always be moving towards recovery. These things do not have to last forever. Moving into this house has been fucking annoying and difficult, but also helpful in many ways. In my life right now, I finally feel like I am strong enough to move on from this. I no longer need this comfort, I do not have to rely on this coping mechanism.It’s very important to learn that there is nothing romantic or ‘tragically beautiful’ about self harm. Taking black and white photos of bleeding wounds is not deep. Romanticising trauma is not poetic. Self harm is messy, painful and scarring - both literally and figuratively. In order to recover, I am acknowledging these truths, and I am sharing this here. This is so that I can look back with certainty, and know that in this moment, I felt safe enough to let go.

Last night, I fucked up a bit. After a while of being clean, I messed up and I relapsed. Today, I threw away my razor.
I am going to be better. I have been in recovery for the past year or so, after dealing with this for about 7/8 years.
My scars on my skin are obvious. They are a physical representation of what I’ve been through. I don’t try to hide them anymore, because I think it’s important to show that sometimes, not everything is okay. I get messages quite often on here, with people telling me that I’m strong. I want to say, I’m not always strong. And that’s okay. You don’t have to manage. You don’t have to accept everything life throws at you. Even the strongest of people have their weaknesses. What is important is to always be moving towards recovery. These things do not have to last forever. 
Moving into this house has been fucking annoying and difficult, but also helpful in many ways. In my life right now, I finally feel like I am strong enough to move on from this. I no longer need this comfort, I do not have to rely on this coping mechanism.
It’s very important to learn that there is nothing romantic or ‘tragically beautiful’ about self harm. Taking black and white photos of bleeding wounds is not deep. Romanticising trauma is not poetic. Self harm is messy, painful and scarring - both literally and figuratively. In order to recover, I am acknowledging these truths, and I am sharing this here. This is so that I can look back with certainty, and know that in this moment, I felt safe enough to let go.

(Source: lushpuppy)

July 16th with 21 notes

Last night, I fucked up a bit. After a while of being clean, I messed up and I relapsed. Today, I threw away my razor.
I am going to be better. I have been in recovery for the past year or so, after dealing with this for about 7/8 years.
My scars on my skin are obvious. They are a physical representation of what I’ve been through. I don’t try to hide them anymore, because I think it’s important to show that sometimes, not everything is okay. I get messages quite often on here, with people telling me that I’m strong. I want to say, I’m not always strong. And that’s okay. You don’t have to manage. You don’t have to accept everything life throws at you. Even the strongest of people have their weaknesses. What is important is to always be moving towards recovery. These things do not have to last forever. 
Moving into this house has been fucking annoying and difficult, but also helpful in many ways. In my life right now, I finally feel like I am strong enough to move on from this. I no longer need this comfort, I do not have to rely on this coping mechanism.
It’s very important to learn that there is nothing romantic or ‘tragically beautiful’ about self harm. Taking black and white photos of bleeding wounds is not deep. Romanticising trauma is not poetic. Self harm is messy, painful and scarring - both literally and figuratively. In order to recover, I am acknowledging these truths, and I am sharing this here. This is so that I can look back with certainty, and know that in this moment, I felt safe enough to let go.

(Source: lushpuppy)

21 notes
  1. accidentally-on-purpose said: <3
  2. smallplantboy said: i’m proud of you, you’re awesome <3
  3. stolh said: Beautiful words.
  4. lushpuppy posted this
  • Tagged as: personal. tw self harm. tw self injury. self harm. recovery. self harm recovery. life. me.